Einstein’s Mustache

“With ‘Einstein’, I had just quit school and taken a real shit job at a pancake house. I saw so many people like me in this town with useless educations, and I was hit by the cold reality of the distance between people’s dreams and where they actually stand. I figure people can relate to it. I wrote it at the pancake house, where I had just gotten sick of the other workers talking about what it was like in the old days on the pancake plantations, you know?”

-From the interview article “Marques Bovre Tops the Heap” by Eric Rasmussen on 6 Feb 1989

 

At this age that I am,
Many people have developed a very strong grip.
Chronologically, I should be having
Babies and breakdowns and business trips.
And this age that I’m being,
Has me seeing I should probably give Peter Pan the slip.
 
I’ve been with women sometimes,
Barely old enough to be my younger sister.
Broke my heart and hurt my back,
Playing head games and some kind of naked Twister.
Now I’m living on my own,
I’m all alone and better off,
with Mr. Fister.

Chorus:
At this ripe old age of mine,
Albert Einstein grew a very fine mustache.
It defied all laws of gravity,
His family was very proud of him.
At this new age I grieve,
I could take my leave in one blinking eyelash.
‘Cause I am twenty-five years old,
Feet of clay, feet of cold,
Time marches grim.

I got one friend in the ground,
Most the others are all wed with tax deductions.
I got these gray hairs on my head,
My doctor said that I could use some liposuction.
I got this brittle in my bones,
My body creaks, my body moans in the slow destruction.
 
I got a resume—hey, I mowed some lawns,
And made some ham and cheese sandwiches.
I potted ferns and took my turns,
Flippin’ flapjacks with some wily sons-a-bitches.
Now I’m working in the mailroom,
Praising God that I ain’t out there digging ditches.

repeat chorus

“Do you know who I am?”
Asked the man inside the credit card commercial.
“I could’ve been like you one time,
I once was rather cute and controversial.
But somewhat fleeting was my fame,
And now I can’t recall my name in dress rehearsal.”
 
At this age that I am,
Many people have developed a very strong grip.
Chronologically, I should be having
Babies and breakdowns and business trips.
It’s bad enough I ain’t Einstein,
But I can’t even get a decent growth above my lip.

repeat chorus

 

“Einstein’s Mustache” appears on Don’t Be Afraid.


© and ℗ 1989 Marques Bovre